James Coleman of Bristol, England became the “laughing stock of the office” after he got a black eye while using Twitter on the go. His humiliation could get so much worse than that. Coleman’s story illustrates tidily what so many people hate about the microblogging service: Narcissistically documenting one’s life all too often interferes with leading said life. In Coleman’s case, reality literally smacked him upside the head. He was jogging to work and tweeting on his BlackBerry when he cracked his skull against a low-hanging branch, according to the Daily Telegraph.
Don’t forget to take your cheatsheet!
Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the creators of South Park, were given a signed photo of Saddam Hussein by US Marines after the former Iraqi leader was shown their movie in prison.
1. Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 chicken mcNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. “We don’t have half dozen nuggets,” said the teenager at the counter. “You don’t?” I asked. “We only have six, nine, or twelve,” was the reply. “So I can’t order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?”
“That’s right.” I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
2. I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those ‘dividers’ that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn’t get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all my items, she picked up the ‘divider’, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, “Do you know how much this is?”
I said to her “I’ve changed my mind, I don’t think I’ll buy that today.”
She said “OK,” and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
3. A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet, and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM “thingy.”
4. I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. “Do you need some help?” I asked.
She replied, “I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can’t get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?” “Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?” I asked. “No, just this remote thingy,” she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, “Why don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries. It’s a long walk.”
5. Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, ‘I’m almost out of typing paper. What do I do? “Just use copier machine paper,” the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five ‘blank’ copies.
6. I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in ‘Twister.’ I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the ‘cruise control’ and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
7. My neighbor works in the IT department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: “I’ve got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?”
8. Police in Radnor , PA, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message, ‘He’s lying,’ was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn’t telling the truth. Believing the ‘lie detector’ was working, the suspect confessed.
9. A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine. The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer… Dispatcher: Rush him in to the emergency room!
It is the ultimate Aussie beer-loverâ€™s fantasy: a bottle of brew with a woman on the label whose bikini disappears as fast as the drinker can consume its contents. Three friends in Sydney have taken on the Australian beer market with a unique world first marketing concept for their new beer. The label is Skinny Blonde, a low-carb beer that is thriving on the current popularity of Australiaâ€™s new crop of â€˜healthyâ€™ beers.
Arriving back home, PM Brown settled in to watch “Psycho” only to receive a far greater horror than the movie itself could bring — none of his DVDs would play, due to zone restrictions. While saddened and shocked, the PM maintains that American and Britain still have a “special partnership”.
A Manhattan woman led cops to the dummy who stole her iPhone after the clueless crook used it to take pictures of himself and send them via her e-mail, police sources said yesterday. “There he is. Isn’t he stupid?” victim Sayaka Fukuda, 29, wrote on her blog next to the photo of Daquan Mathis, whom cops busted for the robbery. Fukuda, a shoe designer who immigrated from Tokyo three years ago, was on the N train platform at the Fifth Avenue station near 59th Street at 4:30 a.m. on Feb. 21 when the robbery took place.